Friday, December 10, 2004

Student Leaves Cohen, Finds Freedom

I have just caught up with the site again and completely relate to the post:

'However, almost immediately upon my departure I had an explosive experience of freedom, joy and an unboundedness that was not about anything in particular other than that I was now the captain of my own ship, I was once again free to fully explore without the rigid dictates of any system. I felt free in a way that surprised and amazed me....'

Also in the Cohen community for five years, shortly before jumping ship I had an experience of my Self that illuminated the futility of seeking freedom or enlightenment. I saw that nothing I might do, or not do, would have any influence whatsoever on whether that self-realization occurred or not, and in fact the very seeking kept me away from my own true self. It was very profound and put into question the life I was living following Cohen.

A week or so later I had the opportunity to question the Master on this. AC was giving a closed 'teaching' to his students and in it basically said that despite all his years of teaching nobody was getting it, and that he was naturally frustrated. He then outlined in a pretty impressive way his vision and to be honest I felt completely uplifted and drawn into the view that he was presenting. It was impressive, and for those readers who have been on a retreat with him know how well and how powerfully he does this.

He eventually asked for questions. Up shot my hand. My recent experience was still very fresh and I sincerely and genuinely needed to know where my own realization fitted into his grand plan. I told him of what had occurred to me and, in retrospect, effectively suggested that 'what's the point?' and that we should pack up all this nonsense and get on with our lives! He wasn't a happy guru. He then proceeded to completely rubbish everything I had said and lambasted and humiliated me. He didn't hold back!

Well, it didn't convince me and a week later I left. Although I related to some of what he said that day, my heart was no longer with him, my own experience was far more real and meaningful. The impetus to leave was deciding to take responsibility for my own future and find out for myself what was the truth - maybe I would burn in hell but at least the decision was in my own hands.

On leaving I was immediately overwhelmed by an incredible peace and sense of freedom. I spent the next six months in bliss. I felt I had come back to myself, to my own heart, and able to explore and relate to life without it needing to fit any kind of preconception. A huge burden had lifted. What a relief!

That lightness has continued to this day (four years later), life is pretty normal and without any sense of anything fundamentally missing. In looking back over the years I spent in the community I have no regrets, and also no regrets in having left. My heart led me into it, and my heart led me out of it. At the end of the day, that's all I can be true to.

-A reader’s comment December 6, 2004


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